The power of our mirror neurons, silence, a calm state and environment...

...I recently responded differently to a child at the school where I work and got a completely different result... The routine of time out and the sandtimer appeared to have become another way to get attention and was not getting the desired result for the peace of the classroom and emotional state of the other children. I sat with the child in the room where he was having his time out but gave no response, eye contact or feedback what so ever to his verbalisations and behaviour....gradually, after 25 minutes or so, he calmed down and sat on the floor quietly, still asking me why I was not speaking to him...I still did not respond...I went in to the classroom where another assistant helped me carry a table and chair into the room, put his work on the table for him to continue and said nothing, sat back down , still no eye contact...no repsonse or reaction from me... He stood up, sat to the table and started to finish his work...he turned round and asked if I would help him with it...That's when I looked at him and said calmly...'yes, of course I will.'

For anyone who is not familiar with mirror neurons, they help us recognise other peoples states and behaviours and relate to their experiences when we have experienced that state or experience ourselves. Our states and behaviour affect others emotionally and behaviorally and so when we are responding to a behaviour which is not useful and not creating the desired outcome, we can change it  by behaving/responding in a different way ourselves. 

From a behavioral perspective, the child was in the presence of another person but getting no feedback what so ever, not even eye contact, body language or facial expression ( I was sat very still -zoned out). He therefore, calmed down. 

Children with autism can be hyper and hypo-sensitive in all their senses and therefore experience their state at a much higher or lower intensity than others and what works for one will not necessarily help another in a similar situation...one example being on a different occasion and with a different teacher and assistants, a girl aged about 9 with autism was screaming and behaving very aggressively at a support assistant and nothing the assistant was doing was helping so I 'broke the state' by screaming as loud as the girl (something I used to do with my own daughter in the midst of a tantrum). The girl immediately stopped and screamed again in my face, so I screamed back at her and she burst out laughing and it became a game until she completely calmed down and the class resumed!...ü

With my own daughter on the way to school with my son one morning back in 1998, she was age about 3 then, decided she wasn't going to walk and threw herself on the pavement, screaming and behaving like a dying fly...so I lay besides her on the pavement and did the same! Other parents asked if they could join in but didn't! ...My daughter stood up immediately and said the only word she could back then 'NO!' So I got up and she held my hand and we carried on our way!

At home she would throw herself under my feet to scream and tantrum so I would sometimes do the same as her or deliberately turn my head away from her and walk to another room...she would come and find me and throw herself under my feet again so I would walk away again...that was when I decided to try copying her behaviour to see what she would do...sure enough the mirror neurons kicked in as she watch me mirror her actions and sounds and she would stop...it was a strategy I learned 'to get into her world' at the time and I decided to try it out as a last desperate attempt when I was struggling with her challenging behaviour...

 


Sometimes doing the same thing over and over again creates the same result and we get in a rut wondering what to do next and when you have tried everything you are aware of, as a parent, it makes you exhausted and very stressed living in this state constantly leading to other health issues. Learning to control our emotional states and diss-associating from our child is one way we can help ourselves, our child and the rest of our family. Neuro-Linguistic Programing (NLP) is one very effective way of coping with ourselves to help us cope with autism.

Changing unwanted/undesirable/unhelpful behaviours starts with YOU changing your response...try it...next time try behaving differently or saying something with different words, in a different tone or say nothing at all, do nothing at all except watch for your child's safety...see what happens...

I am an INLPTA certified Practitioner in the Art & Science of NLP and offer this as one of my services to my clients...http://copingwithautism.co.uk/nlp.php